Content warning: This article discusses grief after suicide.
'Partner' never felt like quite the right word to describe Lara's connection with Ingrid.
"She was my best friend, our relationship was expansive," Lara explains.
"She was my person."
Meeting as colleagues, the two connected instantly and started going out a month later. Lara lovingly recalls Ingrid's various quirks; the anxious and inquisitive habits that made her special. With English her parents' second language, Ingrid was particularly curious when it came to words, randomly stopping on the street to look up a new expression or investigate a turn of phrase.
"She was a deep thinker and an engaging person," Lara recalls. "Very quirky - a total weirdo in the best possible way. She was an introvert, she loved reading and hated parties. She spent a lot of time alone."
When Ingrid died by suicide in 2018, Lara was left reeling and in need of support. With the encouragement of friends and family, she soon began searching the internet for LGBTIQ+ focused bereavement support networks and resources - but to her surprise, there weren't many to be found.
"I was going to different podcasts and listening and they weren’t what I was looking for," she says. "Some of them were helpful, but they weren't what I needed."
This gap, as Lara puts it, is part of the reason she agreed to participate in a new Australian podcast called Let's Talk About Suicide. The podcast, which has been co-produced by and , offers support, conversation, and comfort to people affected by suicide - with a particular focus on the lived experiences of LGBTIQ+ people.
I was going to different podcasts and listening and they weren’t what I was looking for," she says. "Some of them were helpful, but they weren't what I needed.
Having attended Support After Suicide group sessions fortnightly for a year after Ingrid's death, Lara says that she felt compelled to share her experience. She explains that while her relationship with the Support After Suicide group "was very deep", and although they "could connect in many ways", having a queer suicide bereavement group would have been ideal.
In part, that's because the depth of understanding offered by fellow members of the LGBTIQ+ community is difficult to emulate, she says, adding that she hopes the Let's Talk About Suicide podcast will help fill the existing void for others in a similar position.
Statistically speaking, there's a pressing need for these conversations to be had more openly in Australia's LGBTIQ+ communities. Recent studies have found that LGBTIQ+ young people between the ages of 16 and 27 are figures that only worsen for transgender adults, who are .
For those left behind, being LGBTIQ+ becomes "another hurdle" in finding support, explains Louise Flynn, a psychologist and the manager of Support After Suicide.
Flynn says that producing Let's Talk About Suicide was yet an opportunity to chip away at ongoing taboo around suicide. "As a community we do find suicide very difficult to talk about, so when people have that experience in their lives they can feel overwhelmed and don’t know what to do," she tells SBS Pride.
"So something like a podcast, it opens it up, it helps people talk."
Flynn, who co-hosts the 14-episode podcast with Victoria CEO Joe Ball, says that while it's intended as a resource for those struggling with bereavement, the series might also be helpful for those seeking to better support bereaved friends or loved ones - those who are "trying to understand the experience, why it’s so difficult, why it takes so long, why it’s so distressing."
"As a community we do find suicide very difficult to talk about, so when people have that experience in their lives they can feel overwhelmed and don’t know what to do," she tells SBS Pride.
She also hopes it will provide some comfort to members of the LGBTIQ+ community who might not have easy access to in-person support services.
"Suicide is stigmatised, and many LGBTIQ+ people feel marginalised, so there’s a double dose," she explains.
"And not knowing, when people reach out for support, whether they're going to be accepted and properly understood - it can be an extra hurdle."
Flynn says that she wants the podcast to demonstrate that "there is a place" for these experiences, and help those in need of support to feel less isolated. "They're part of a community that will continue to support them."
As for Lara, one unexpected positive to emerge from Ingrid's death has been a newfound friendship with Ingrid's father, who she met for the first time in Ingrid's hospital room.
"We’re really good friends now," she tells SBS Pride.
"He didn’t know who I was when we met in the hospital," she explains. "Ingrid kept her personal life quite separate from her family.
"So for her dad, I knew a lot about him, but he didn’t know a lot about me. We were brought together in grief."
Let's Talk About Suicide launches at the Wheeler Centre in Melbourne on Wednesday October 30. for more information. You can listen to the podcast in full .
Those seeking support can contact on 13 11 14, the on 1300 659 467, or in an emergency dial 000.
Contact on 1800 184 527 (between 3pm and 12am) and on 1800 55 1800. More information about mental health is available at .
