OPINION
My existence has always been controversial and debatable; however, it was never deemed so by women, but almost always by men.
In my early youth years, I would ask myself whether it was because of the hijab that I wore or whether it was because I refused to conform to the stereotypical standards of a Muslim woman upheld by men. I still don’t have my answer, and I don’t think I ever will – but what I will always have, is the intergenerational strength that will never be tamed because my ancestors’ blood flows through me.
To the eyes of the public, strength may look like my unwavering pleas for change through my work and my advocacy, but my strength runs deeper than that. My strength is not quantifiable, nor can it be defined, but it is a build-up of the strength of every woman I have had the privilege of meeting, that have both encountered and battled the abhorrent bigotry that is preserved across the globe.
From my grandmothers in the village of Jenin, Palestine, fighting for their freedom, to the women who speak with such courage that travels faster than light. The philosophy of Ubuntu comes to mind, reminding me that: "I am because we are.”
However, there is no denying that I am not fearless in fighting to be the woman I one day aspire to become. There are many things to be scared of in 2021, but this year alone, has reminded me that being a woman is one of them.
Zahra Al-Hilaly. Source: Supplied
As a woman of colour and a woman of faith, it is particularly difficult to influence change whilst also protecting my wellbeing. For many of us, our ability to survive is contingent upon avoiding public vilification, that many culturally and linguistically diverse people face.
We sweep our experiences of discrimination and sexual assault under the rug, because we have seen thw way that women are treated within this country. And whilst I often present the public with an image of my courage – I am scared, almost every day for my survival in this country.
Just like many women of colour, I have silenced my voice on multiple occasions, weighing up whether the emotional labour is worth the vilification.
It was a lot easier, as a ‘young activist’ to push forth radical calls for action. However, my growth wasn’t always positive. The truth is, advocacy isn’t just intertwined with an agenda that you push for. I learnt this crucial message the hard way. Watching fellow women of colour like Yassmin Abdel-Magied, Mariam Veiszadeh and Mehreen Faruqi become the targets of public vitriol, was my first reminder to shield myself at all costs.
Experiencing abuse, myself, was my second and final reminder. However strong I thought I was before, it is no match to feeling like you do not belong to a country that you have called home for your entire life. Whilst seeking and fighting for justice are profound factors within my life, so is existence. My lineage has passed down many valuable lessons to fight for justice, but I have also been conditioned to centre my survival at the core of my leadership.
Just like many women of colour, I have silenced my voice on multiple occasions, weighing up whether the emotional labour is worth the vilification that comes within being a woman of colour within an institutionally racist environment. But it becomes exhausting to compromise your voice for your survival.
I refuse to be another statistic within this country, that is dismissed. I refuse to compromise my very voice, that is a megaphone of every woman that I have ever spoken to. How can I weigh up justice or my survival, when both concepts are so interchangeably important within my ability to exist? Most importantly, I refuse to submit, knowing that I am the precedent of my ancestors’ and my sisters who have fought for themselves, for us, and for me.
Zahra Al-Hilaly is a Murdoch university journalism student from Perth. You can follow Zahra on Twitter .
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