I didn’t have kids just so I could have grandkids. It was always a possibility but was never going to be my purpose in life. My new life contract is with my own adult kids.
When I had children, I promised to do my best for them. I taught them how to cope with life and deal with everything life might throw at them. I hoped that, by example, they would learn how to be good parents themselves. And it worked! Phew!
They are amazing people, incredible parents. They even inherited my wicked sense of humour. So then, what is my role as a grandparent?
It is not, nor has it ever been, babysitting the grandkids every week - even for a half day on a regular basis. Nor will I pick them up from school or swimming lessons. That’s not how I see my role.
When I look back, I realise that I never once spent a single night with my own grandparents while they took care of me. So, it’s not surprising that I passed that on to my own family.
Noleen at the pyramids of Giza. Source: Supplied
My kids have grown up knowing that I would not be a regular caregiver to their kids. Do not book me in for Tuesdays and Thursdays. It ain’t gonna happen! And surprisingly, they’re cool with that!
It actually never occurs to them to call me just to babysit. Now that doesn’t mean I’m not involved with my grandchildren. On the contrary, I have the most amazing relationship with these six fascinating little people – ages three to 11.
They always welcome me with huge smiles and open arms every time I visit. And part of that is because they don’t see me every week. Otherwise, it might just be a case of ‘oh, she’s here again’. A treasure is rare and, according to folklore, familiarity breeds contempt.
If I were babysitting to save my kids $200 a week, would I then resent them going out for a $200 lunch? I know grandparents who do resent it.
My kids were raised to be independent and responsible for their own lives. My child-rearing job finished when my kids had their own kids. My role as a grandparent is very different.
I am always ‘on call’ for any emergency, any crisis that life throws at my kids or grandkids. I will drop everything to be by their side. They know I am always their Plan B. But, apart from that, I am available whenever they need a break – a weekend off or a week away. Just make sure you book me well in advance – three months is a good lead time!
Five of Noleen's six grandchildren. Source: Supplied
Then, I happily go in to run their household and cherish the grandkids. I cook cupcakes, and make slime balls. I teach them how to find fairies in the bottom of the garden after dark. I can even explain where the Easter Bunny lives. Our time together is magical!
In between visits, it’s facetime calls to discuss Justin Bieber, or the latest dance craze. I’ve learnt about jiu-jitsu and martial arts. I now know how long a balloon can run around the room making farting noises.
I’m retired now, after working 60-hour weeks then coming home to run a family, shop for groceries, do the laundry and so on. I travelled extensively when I retired so I have plenty of stories to share with the littlies. It opens them up to the world and the universe. I love being their mentor, their walking encyclopedia. We are all in awe of what the world has to offer. But I am not their babysitter.
At 67 I have promised to ensure that I live my best life possible. I swim 2km once a week and walk at least 5km a couple of days each week. I go to live bands at the pub on Sunday afternoons and dance bands at the club on Friday and Saturday night. I explore different places and an array of weird and wonderful activities – rodeos, country markets, museums and galleries. I fill my weeks with a myriad of things to satisfy my naturally curious mind. I have a life that fills my retirement and brings great joy.
My grandkids don’t define me, and I don’t define them. My kids don’t need me to babysit. They need me to have a life. That means they don’t have to worry about me because I’m out there having fun. So much so, that they struggle to keep up with me! I’m having the time of my life. It not only lets them off the hook, it gives them something to look forward to when they retire.
Oh, and by the way, the Easter Bunny lives on Easter Island of course. I’m going to visit there soon!
