So you've been in a coma for two years and just woke up.
Take a sip of water (or shot of whiskey), brush your teeth and prepare yourself for a shock.
The US votes for its president on Tuesday (Wednesday AEDT) and it is a tight race between Hillary Clinton and ... Donald Trump.
Yes, I know.
Before you fell into your coma Trump was deciding whether to fire Dennis Rodman or Gary Busey on The Apprentice, but if enough white, working class, uneducated men get to a voting booth today Trump will be the 45th president of the United States of America.
Here's a guide to perhaps the craziest election the world has known.
WHO IS RUNNING?
- Hillary Clinton, the 69-year-old former first lady, senator of New York, secretary of state and failed 2008 presidential candidate. Her vice presidential pick is Tim Kaine, an always cheery looking Virginia senator who has the appearance of a high school librarian.
- Donald Trump, the 70-year-old Queens, New York-born, three-time married property developer who became a reality TV show king for firing people on The Apprentice. He claims he's a billionaire but won't release his taxes so we don't know for sure and he is against immigration but married an immigrant Slovenian supermodel. Mr Trump's VP pick is Indiana Governor Mike Pence who appears like a decent bloke, but Mr Trump's biggest supporters this election have been Aussie WikiLeaks troublemaker and Ecuadorian Embassy refugee Julian Assange, FBI director Jim Comey and Russian President Vladimir Putin.
WHO WILL WIN?
- The New York Times election model based on the latest state and national polls gives Clinton an 84 per cent chance of winning, but according to Mr Trump the NYT is biased.
WHEN WILL WE KNOW WHO WINS?
- Australians could know about lunchtime Wednesday AEDT. Polls in the US begin to close on the east coast around 10am Wednesday AEDT. If Mrs Clinton can grab a couple of early key eastern toss up states - Florida, Georgia, North Carolina and New Hampshire - a disco ball will drop from the roof of her election victory party at Manhattan's Jacob K Javits Convention Center and she will be dancing away in her best pantsuit.
- If Mr Trump snags a couple of the key early states it might be a long night, perhaps days or, even, weeks/months and court battles before a victor is announced.
WHY SHOULD AUSTRALIANS CARE?
- If Mr Trump wins uncertainty will hang over Australia's close military and economic ties with the US. There are fears he'll start a trade war with China and Mr Putin, after cultivating a weird buddy-buddy relationship with Mr Trump, could test his strawberry-headed pal's nerve.
- If Clinton wins life should not change too much in Australia, although there are fears she may use a strong-armed approach against China and Russia, causing tremors in Australia.
TO TPP OR NOT TO TPP?
- If Mr Trump wins the proposed Trans-Pacific Partnership between the US, Australia and 10 other Pacific Rim nations will likely die. If Mrs Clinton wins the TPP has a better chance of staying alive. The WikiLeaks leaks showed Mrs Clinton was in favour, but switched to appease US unions and not give her Democrat rival Bernie Sanders an advantage. Don't be surprised if Mrs Clinton wins the election she sits back and lets US President Barack Obama and Republicans in Congress push it through before he leaves the White House in January.
IF AUSSIES & KIWIS COULD VOTE WHO WOULD THEY PICK?
- A survey conducted by US researchers found 76 per cent of the 500 Australian/New Zealanders they asked would vote for Mrs Clinton.
